Ever take one of those personality tests and think, that is not who I am?   Tests are taken between grade school, job interviews, and ‘self-improvement’ conferences supposedly determining your inner make-up.  Despite every test indicating I was an ‘introvert’ I opted to ignore the test results.  Somehow, for the past thirty+ years, I became An Introvert Living an Extrovert Life.

In middle school, I was good at math, horrible in the sciences, ok in writing, and personality wise – completely afraid of people.   As test after test said I should be an Accountant or later a computer programmer, I began to dread my future.   I marveled at the outgoing types and envied their ability to talk, be athletic, and spout out jokes off the top of their heads.  In a comfortable environment, I could be them, but I needed time to process my thoughts before saying a word, especially in front of crowds.

I dreaded being called on in the classroom.   I can almost feel my ears and face on fire as I click the keyboard just remembering those days in middle school when the teacher said, ‘Joe, joe,  joe, joe what is..?    I’d freeze up and saying nothing, wishing I were dead.  Even though I knew the answer, the fear of being wrong was so overwhelming.   I would blank out or say the first thing that came to my mind to end the torture.  If it turned out to be wrong, I would melt under the desk.   That, I believe, validated me as an introvert.

I learned the world favors extroverts and maybe I could force myself to change.  I wrestled with career choices stressing myself out trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up.  The tests said I should use the accounting and deep-thinking skills to gain an introvert job.  Research showed the ones I thought might be fun, do not pay well – sports writer, gardener, radio-dj, truck driver, and painter.  The ones that pay well: boring accounting or programming, engineering, and science jobs –  I was definitely not qualified for any Engineer role (I scored a zero, yes zero, on the unfolded box (spatial) tests:

If you need help putting together a swing-set, call someone besides me.  Zero!

My ‘honestly answered’  tests showed the mind of an introvert but,  I knew they did not measure the heart and my cares for people portion.  The shyness mode seemed to offset the caring mode, I guess.   More advanced tests measure passion.  Do you want a job in management or sales, just answer all the ‘I love to be around crowds’ questions with the highest number and lo and behold, you can fake yourself into being a manager.  Therefore, I passed the Army exams and go accepted on the path career in criminal investigation.  Unfortunately, a bad experience with the justice system  turned me off, and eventually I reverted back to the test results.   I earned a degree in none other than computer programming.

Only three weeks into my first programming job ever, I discovered the tests were completely wrong.  Sitting still at a desk all day long writing code was not the box I wanted to live in forever.  The tests did not measure sitting still ability, I guess today that would be called ADHD.  I found I had much pent-up nervousness and needed to be moving, always.  Goodbye degree I thought as I went from a programmer of computer software to selling it.   However, when the first sale hit, and the first commission check arrived I was ready to shelf the degree.  Nice!

Company one, however, went bankrupt and that large commission check, gulp, bounced!   Amazingly companies two, three, and four also fell apart, I was starting to get a complex.   I settled back in a safer technical salary role with Company five. It was a box-you-in type role that I hated.  At that stage, I was married with our first child, and we had a good side business, but we were broke, and my confidence was crushed, the bottom had hit.

we were broke, and my confidence was crushed, the bottom had hit.

The saying ‘things happen for a reason’ is one that is so true.  Hitting bottom opened a choice to evaluate which box I wanted to live in.  Aside from the job failures, I felt like I was failing as a Father and my other passion, to be in church ministry had also crumbled (which I will cover later in the Portico).   Other than making un-educated employer decisions, I was puzzled why everything was falling apart.  That old anxiety issue started finding its way back in the mind.

A close church friend was working in an industry I had never heard of called telecom.  He set me up with an interview (and provided a great reference).  I was told the personality tests meant everything in their interview process.  Thus I answered the questions to fit the role checking off how I love everything about people.    When the job offer came in, I was negatively shocked, as my friend had not told me I would be taking a pay cut.  10% salary, 90% commission.  But the 90% sure looked good, although I knew it meant, high risk –  I could make $zero.

With my wife strongly showing confidence in me, we took the risk.   In one year our measly broke pay multiplied.

Fifteen years later on a stage in front of hundreds the VP of Company seven (I stayed with #6 12 years, he and I both moved to the same place) described my interview with him; ‘When Joe came to my office 16 years ago, I was last in a long line of interviewers.  We talked for a while, and I saw all his fidgeting and wondered how, did he make it this far?    As he got up to leave, I noticed he had completely shredded a napkin during the interview.   Nervously torn napkin pieces covered his pants and jacket.   I shook my head in wonderment at how desperate we had to be to want to hire this guy’.

He went on to say, as he handed me the Salesman of the Year plaque, ‘here stands an example of what hard work and  overcoming fears can become.’   While I have had some great moments (of course some not-so-great ones) in my career, that was the proudest moment.   Some people are motivated by pats on the back, my first good boss Jerry was great at that.  Some are motivated via having doubt from others flaunted at them,  I found I was oddly motivated by both methods.  As I look back, I wondered why I did not fit on the personality type charts, yet I was able to overcome my own internal doubts, and won?

Another fifteen years later and a few more plaques in-between I sat this morning researching the topic of ‘introverts living like extroverts’.  One mentioned the topic of self-awareness, which I agree to its importance in knowing your weaknesses and avoiding them (things like putting together swing sets).  Another listed the nine telltale signs of when being an extroverted introvert is harming you.  If you’d like to increase the number of questions you have about yourself check out the loner wolf’s view on the topic.  Another article evaluated the science of the mind and how it relates to introverts, extroverts and the middle spot –  an ambivert.

In this end, I have yet to pinpoint where I fit on the charts but one thing I know for sure; I’d rather be working in a garden than standing in front of people.  But gardening typically does not pay the bills, yet it provides much solitude, stress relief, and good health.  I often have pondered and experimented with finding a balance to manage inner turmoil we average introvert people experience.  Thus the conclusion has led me to think all the crazy experiences of this life have led me to fulfill a calling.  One of passing on the secrets to those who cannot afford to pay a mind therapist, health therapist, calm therapist, financial advisor (which brings needed security), business advisor, gardener, and a host of other helpers.

Thus, today’s mini-story is to set my sales career behind, completely.  I am switching to full-time writer to help the doubting and fearing average Joe’s of the world to find inner peace.

For some, this is new news as I walk from the turmoil of the business world to of all things, writing.   It has been a great journey, and I have had many awesome relationships established that I hope to continue from a new perspective.   In the marketplace, I pondered how to provide business solutions while sitting on my porch (aka ‘Portico’) at home.  Those creative ideas and problem-solving thoughts were brought to the business table in practical and easy to understand terms.  Likewise, the goal of Average Joe’s Portico is to help the individuals who struggle with worry, anger, depression and other thought issues, to creatively be led to finding peace and calm.

It is not completely new.   In the past two-years, 70+ mini-stories have been written with more to come.  The difference now is I can be less discreet on the additional area that set up this calling.  For me, this is by no means easy.  I hate talking about myself, especially as I oft feel the need for full disclosure for things like my anxieties.  In all honesty, while I was proud to win a few plaques, I would have preferred having it mentioned in an email and mail the trophy.  Introverts supposedly crave ‘being liked’.  They hate being the center of attention.  Perhaps I am truly an Introvert living an Extrovert Life?

With that out-of-the-way,   I write to two audiences but offer the opportunity to tie them together.  The body and mind need much care to return to or remain in security and calmness.  Additionally, for this Average Joe, I believe without the Spiritual, all else although helpful, would fall short.  But to those who are skeptical, there is no forcing you to hear or read the Spiritual side so you can stop now.

But I do softly urge you to surge into Joe’s Portico and hear the other side of the story….

If this is your first time visiting Average Joe’s Portico, every post is written in two parts. You have just read the portion challenging the mind, body, and soul.  In The Portico I seek to tap into your spiritual side, but only IF YOU DARE.  Tap the Red Line. to hear the Spiritual side of the story.  (For more info – read the ‘Do You Dare’ Tab)